I have been trying very hard this week to be more happy. And I can tell you it’s hard work. Trying to pretend things are okay. Sometimes even I believe they are, then realisation hits me again.
I feel so stressed. Over EVERYTHING. I feel like the world and his brother has moved onto my shoulders.
But some things positive have happened this week::
My Aunty had surgery last week and they have removed the cancer. Results tomorrow as to whether it has spread to the lymph nodes. But the doctor is positive. My other aunty has started round 2 of chemo. She has a rather expensive wig, as lost most of her hair already *sigh*
D’arcy has started on prescription milk. Aptamil Pepti. It is disgusting, really stinks, but I can’t see any change if I am honest. Other than the sick stinks even more. Docs again on Thursday to see progress. Oh and she ate dinner this week. One night. Heinz tortellini in a pouch as recommended by Nic It’s been ages since she ate dinner so I am over the moon with that.
What else? Oh Caitlyn had the doctors this week, in regards to her moods and her ‘episodes’ getting out of control. So, for now she has been put on ‘the pill’ as it will help the hormone imbalance. I kinda don’t like her being on so much medication, but when we have a head ache we treat it don’t we? I just hope that these tablets can improve her moods, as there are only 2 weeks a month where the moods aren’t as bad as they normally are. They are still there, but a little better. Next month she has to see her epilepsy consultant, and then I will put my foot down that I want her meds changed. She has gained so much weight on them. And I think that is making her more moody. It’s a vicious circle.
No sooner had we left the doctors with prescription in hand, she had one of her ‘episodes’ in Sainsburys. Carried on down the high street, imagine a 4-year-old child having the worst temper tantrum ever. Not imagine a 13-year-old doing it. It’s horrendous. Everyone and I mean everyone looks as she screams like I am murdering her. Anyway, she threw her glasses which have broken. I am so pissed off, they were bloody expensive. So, instead of getting them fixed I am making her wear her old ones, and when we do take them to be fixed I am going to make her explain to them how they broke.
I know I need to go to the doctors for me. But I am there so much with my girls I feel like they will judge me or not listen to me properly. Mostly as I have to fight for both girls to get anywhere.
Life is bloody hard work. I am getting there, but I am trying not to bury my head in the sand this time as it never works. So, when things have calmed down I will take myself to the doctors and try to deal with how I am feeling, but for now. Life goes on.