Hibernation.

These past 2 weeks I’ve been in a bad place. Mentally. It’s a very dark place. And I feel quite isolated and not really sure what to do.

I don’t tend to deal with emotions very well not when they engulf my entire self. I can either get cross or I hibernate, I hide myself away from the world. Not very ideal and I have caused worry before. Sorry Becca and Cat for my disappearances last year. I guess I am not one for delving too much into my shit. I don’t talk about it that much. I just deal with it. Weirdly until my mum died I was the opposite. But death really does change you. I am much more a positive person now. Always see the positives in life rather than focus on the negative but again this only happened after mum. I know I don’t sound very positive now. Walking contradiction at the moment.

I can’t compartmentalise the things going around in my head, and I don’t like not having that control. I know I will in time and this is just a blip. But until then I am stuck in this mind-set and feel like I am losing control.

I appear angry at the world. Maybe I am. I have so much crap that of course now and again it’s going to make me angry. I am only human.

I have some tough choices to make, and until then I am stuck in this ongoing groundhog day. I’d much prefer my life if it was as black and white as the online world.

One day at a time eh?

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